Happy Pride Month! It can be challenging to allow yourself to feel joy and celebrate during times of great struggle, like the one we are living through now. However, embracing queer joy is a form of resistance. While we engage in intentional acts of activism and work passionately in our communities, it is vital to celebrate our pride and embrace queer joy.

This month marks another significant period of transition and change for me. Honestly, it feels less like life has distinct moments of transition and more like it is a constant flow of change punctuated by occasional bursts of dramatic acceleration. Right now is one of those moments of acceleration.

In line with this sentiment, my creative work has shifted toward exploring personal themes of transition, processing triumphant growth, occasional grief, and the complex nature of evolving through change.

Exploring themes of transition with the political and religious symbolism of sheep.

I was raised in a fairly conservative and deeply religious household. The consistent exposure to art and language tied to these areas profoundly shaped my upbringing and understanding of the world and myself. One recurring image amongst both is that of the sheep. In a religious sense, the sheep symbolizes a follower of God, dependent on God's guidance and protection. In right-wing political discourse, being called a "sheep" is an insult implying mindless obedience, suggesting that one is easily misled. This term is often used to label anyone who disagrees with right-wing ideologies as foolish. The implied "weakness" of being a defenseless animal is crucial to this image.

As a child raised to be devoted to these very specific ideals, I was expected to be a follower. However, as an adult who has gained independence and developed a sense of self that led me away from both the church and the political right, I would now be labeled a follower of deviance, having been led astray. My exploration of sculptural art mediums has allowed me to delve into new ideas and work through projects that reflect my identity and some broader transgender experiences within these themes and the imagery of sheep.

In my art, the sheep are the primary subjects and represent aspects of my identity and experience that fall outside the narrow scope of acceptability defined by the religious and political ideologies I was raised in. These sheep are not “followers of God” or “led astray”; they are followers of their own hearts and intuition. Being true to one's self is a conscious choice that requires great effort and strength, contrasting sharply with the previously mentioned definitions of sheep.

Beading to recover dexterity

In 2022, I suffered a severe crush injury to my left arm, which resulted in long-term pain and some loss of sensation, affecting my ability to feel sensation in my hand and my overall dexterity. I've undergone physical therapy and various treatments to recover some function in that hand, but it's a long and ongoing journey to use it for creating and crafting as I once did.

Recently, I've started working on my needle felting projects, and I've been finding my footing and regaining some of my previous skills in this craft. To further improve my dexterity, I've revisited beading. In my adolescence, I was beading quite a bit, making many pieces of art and jewelry for myself and others. Since then, I’ve kept a vintage travel case throughout my many moves and lifestyle changes. This case, which I inherited from my great-grandfather, is packed with beads and supplies that once belonged to his mother.

My great-great-grandmother was an incredibly talented seamstress and crafter known for making beautiful garments, trinkets, and jewelry. To learn just some of the beading skills she possessed, I’ve occasionally dissected her work to learn her techniques, allowing me to complete unfinished pieces or recreate them. I'm not attempting to recreate any of her intricate works right now; instead, I’m focusing on stringing together very small beads to create simple flowers.

This process has been challenging, as intended, but it's also been very therapeutic. It’s relaxing to sit and bead without any pressure to complete a specific project—just enjoy putting together strands of colors and shapes.

I finished my first Danmei novel series for No Longer Subtext.

Last October, I started a podcast series with my best friend and long-time creative partner, Pa Ying, dedicated to reading and discussing East Asian MLM (male love male) romance novels. This initiative has been an incredible way to experience the books I've eagerly collected while rekindling my passion for audio production and podcasting!

With the release of our most recent episode, we completed our discussion of The Disabled Tyrant's Beloved Pet Fish, which is the first of what we hope will be many novel series featured in this podcast. I thoroughly enjoyed this series and the process of dissecting it alongside Pa Ying and our listeners. I even wrote an analysis highlighting themes that resonate as reflections of the experiences felt by some transgender people.