July was a month for trying new things and figuring things out. I noticed how closely my personal life mirrored my creative work during this time. When I finally stopped forcing things to happen and allowed events to unfold naturally, everything worked out better.

I sketched, revised, sketched again, reassessed, started over, and, finally, I got it!

I don’t know if I've ever spent so much time in the sketch and design phase of a project. I found myself stuck on creating a design that captured my vision. Even after producing what I thought was my final iteration in the sketches I previously shared, I still felt it wasn’t quite right.

I attempted to incorporate stylized elements consistent with my illustrative style, but without success. My usual illustration style features figures with elegant and ethereal features, often characterized by full stature and elongated forms. For this project, I initially imagined that the sculptures might be easier to create if they had smaller statures, with disproportionately large heads compared to their bodies. Although I found many references in this style that I liked, I struggled to develop my own designs.

After many revisions and unsuccessful attempts to alter my style, I decided to commit to my typical approach and move forward with a plan to translate my usual style into sculptural form. In doing so, I felt a stronger connection to the project.

The elongated bodies with smaller head-to-body ratios gave the sculptures a fashion doll-like appearance. This realization added a deeper meaning to the works.

Fashion dolls, like Barbie, are often viewed as either children’s toys or collector’s items. As toys, they offer a means for play and imagination. Whether dressed up and played with or kept as carefully selected collectibles, they serve as a form of self-expression.

As a child, I had fashion dolls that I loved to play with. I dedicated a lot of time to crafting their worlds. I would create multi-room dollhouses out of large cardboard boxes, using carpet and wallpaper samples from vintage books to give them character. I learned to hand-sew while attempting to make custom clothes for my dolls. I was much more invested in building these environments than in playing with the dolls themselves once I completed a project. For me, creating clothes and props was my form of play, as I imagined scenarios or characters that inspired each project.

The sculptures I am currently working on are not intended for play like a child's toy, but they share a similarity with the dolls I played with in my youth. Just as I did then, I'm imagining and creating a character and that character’s story through crafting. The play function of the doll is the way it inspires imagination and creativity. This evolved meaning significantly expands the original concept of my work. These sculptures are meant to explore my identity and experiences as a trans person who grew up in a religious, conservative household. So, it feels fitting that the medium I use incorporates creative elements from my childhood.

I started clay sculpting!

I decided to approach the construction of these dolls by starting with sculpting and painting the faces. After that, I would create the clay and felted elements around the head and face.

I spent some time sketching various face designs before realizing that it would be more effective to begin sculpting and let the process determine the final design, allowing each doll to develop its unique character. After a few unsuccessful attempts at constructing the faces, I realized that I needed to slow down and stop trying to create too much at once. For the first two faces I would be working on, I started by sculpting the head and allowing it to dry before carving out the eye sockets and placing the eyeballs. After letting that dry for a while, I began adding the eyelids. I chose to carve the eyelids first and then sculpt the remaining facial features to match. Once the eyes appeared nearly finished, I moved on to shaping the nose, lips, chin, brows, and cheeks. After all the facial features were constructed, I allowed everything to dry completely. Then, I used dental tools and sandpaper to refine and smooth the face.

Once the faces were completed, my next task was to determine how to add color and create the bodies of the dolls. With the final sculpting finished, I could identify the tone and personality of each doll, which guided my design choices for the rest of the doll, including its poses, gestures, wardrobe, and the overall theme of the piece.